Everyone's Problem
Updated: Jul 21, 2020
W H O A M I?
A new year for most people is a fresh start, a new beginning to all the things they were supposed to do last year but never "got a chance to". We all know it is an excuse but this year we are starting fresh. I have a goal, well many goals that I want to achieve this year, but lets start with the where we are now.
I moved to Tucson, officially, December 29th 2018. From being with my parents 19 years, this was a huge change. I knew it was something that I always wanted to do but I never knew when, and boom it just happened. Last semester I finished my Associate of Arts Degree and applied to a University 2 hours from where my parents live and so far this year has literally been a new start for me. Leaving a lot of my past behind and trying to figure out
...wait for it...
Its about to get real cheesy,
who I am.
Although all this change feels like a great accomplishment, which it is, it has been really tough. I wanted this blog to be personal because before I go onto social media, and before I start taking about my business and what I want to do,what I am going to sell and all of that good stuff, I want to take the time to write about what life is really like being Nicole Begay. I don't want to display an image like most people do and hide all my insecurities. I am putting my insecurities out there first so we can just get past that part and hopefully whenever someone is reading my blog or looking at a post or buying products they can think "I wonder how she is doing now" instead of "I wish I was as happy and motivated as she is",because then that would be a lie. I don't write for pity,I write to hopefully relate.
I want to talk about how mental health is the most important aspect of our life. I can post pictures and talk to people online and even in person and put on a smile and make people laugh and tell them how great life is, but lets be honest. LIFE SUCKS...sometimes.
I have had at least one break down a week since I have been here.
One: I actually have bills to pay, and my roommate hasn't moved in yet so the house feels empty.
Two: I go to school and every first day is always awkward and stressful. But I don't know anyone here and I don't have any friends, "what if I can't make friends?" "I am not a 'real' college student".
Three: I am useless, my business is not even a business because I haven't worked on anything or done anything about it.
and the list goes on. These few things are just small examples about things I would worry about or tell myself and at first the dialogue in my head is so negative towards myself. I would always be unhappy because I would make myself unhappy. We should be our own best friend but instead we fight the enemy in our heads and it always tried to bring us down.
C H A N G E: step 1
Like everything else, It has taken me forever to complete this blog. I started the first half in January...
its April now. But hey, we have learned a lot already. lets talk about where I am now.
Even though most of you are probably thinking "Nicole, oh my gosh, why are you writing about your feelings. no. one. cares." just me? okay, great.
In all seriousness, I want to help people. Everyone struggles with mental health issues. If you even want to put a tittle to it. Lets call it our mind. Our mind plays a lot of tricks on us everyday. Like I said before its our worst enemy. We fight with ourselves everyday. You might not even realize it. One thing that I have had to learn is to actually listen to myself. Whenever I started to have a negative thought I would interrupt myself and say "not today, I am better than that" and its really hard because those negative thoughts you might be thinking, you might actually believe. so its sounds silly to say to talk yourself up and boast our self esteem but once you keep doping it and keep telling yourself you are a great person then you start to believe it and it becomes more natural.
February was also a tough month for me. it was the transitional stage of coming out of a dark place and trying to see the light, it was those awkward telling myself I wasn't a let down and I wasn't a screw up. even though I believed that was the case. I have learned to control the things I can control in my life, like my mind. Believe it or not we can actually control our own thoughts, it just takes practice.
Then march came and went so fast I don't even remember what happened but here's the positives. I stopped telling myself I was "too busy" and "I just don't have time for that" and I got myself a job, towards the end of March, actually last week, I finally caught up with school, finished homework from January that I just let slide through my fingers because "I didn't have the resources".
Basically, I stopped making excuses and just did what I needed to do.
So here we are, April, my birthday month. I can happily say, I am still not there yet.
But that is okay! because it takes time. Just like working out you can't go to the gym once and say "alright wheres my six pack?"and when its not there you get mad and blame the gym for not doing anything. But I can say I have made seven solid friends and still getting to know more, I have paid my rent on time every month and still have a decent amount of money in my savings, I plan everyday out and try to stay on task, and my relationships with my professors are improving. I am so happy right now, even though there is still ups and downs, the important thing is that I know I am going to get back up and its going to be okay.
I am going to continue my journey controlling the things I can control in my life, thinking positive more than negative and try to be a better version of myself. Because you can't live a fulfilling life if you're not content with where you are now. Do something about it. Make that change. start small and just take the first step towards a brighter future. You will try a few things and they might not work, but keep trying and find something that works for you. Your failure is your own fault, and your success is your own fault. We will leave it at that.
Comments